CHAPTER 6

Two Years Later.

The stars were twinkling above the Golden Gate Bridge as I cuddled my beau on that park bench. My face was stuffed in his shoulder, the mixed smell of his shower soap and cologne filling my nostrils. His hand was wrapped around me, keeping me warm since that fall night was unseasonably cold. I almost couldn't bare the feeling of his fingers running through my mane of auburn hair.

"You're the most beautiful woman I've ever seen." Aaron said, cuddling me closer. "Zooey, you know how much I love you, don't you?"

"Mmmhm. Sure, you too." I said. I wasn't really in the mood for the mushy gushy talk, I just wanted to keep smelling my gorgeous boyfriend.

"I want to fill my life with moments like this. I want you always here with me, right by my side, making me laugh, making my life complete."

There was something practiced about that speech. I shivered a little as Aaron began to move. He was now off the park bench, on one knee, pulling a black box out of his pocket. "Zooey, I want you to marry me. Will you marry me?"

Shit.

Ever since I was a little girl I didn't picture myself getting married. I grew up in a home where my parents couldn't stand the sight of each other. They split up when I was 14, and it was then I decided that I didn't want to get married because I knew I'd treat the poor sap just like my mother treated my father.

Aaron knew that. So right off the bat, I was annoyed.

And it's not like I never considered getting married. I considered marrying Chris for a while but he obviously never proposed. When I did get in my damsel in distress mode and thought about getting married, I never pictured the proposal like this. I wanted it simple. No big dinner at the most expensive restaurant in town like Aaron had just taken me to, no big speech about how much he loves me like Aaron just recited, no gigantic ring that's bigger than my knuckle like the one Aaron was now holding in front of me.

Then I couldn't help but think of something Chris once said to me "You're too good for anyone who's too good to you."

Now I didn't feel cold. I felt incredibly stiff and sleepy, the way people say you freeze to death.

"Hey, wake up baby." Aaron said with a nervous chuckle. "Will you marry me or what?"

I finally began to exhale again and gave Aaron a smile. "Sure, why not? Let's do it."

Two weeks later I flew to London since I had three nights at Royal Albert Hall to play. I was still staring at that ring like it was an infection, though nobody around me could tell. Everyone was kissing me and gasping at how huge the ring was and suggesting bakeries for the wedding cake. I would smile and take suggestions and I was already buying wedding magazines, but in the back of my mind I knew I was making a mistake. It was just so far back I couldn't see it anymore.

Phil didn't know yet, but Natalie did. I had sworn her to secrecy. Phil was friends with Chris again, and I was completely fine with the entire thing. Things had happened so long ago, people forget their hurt. I just wanted to move on with my life and that meant my friends could move on with their lives, too. But since I knew Phil was going to tell Chris, I wanted to tell him face to face. So I sat at a cafe on Berwick street, tapping through e-mails and things I needed to do on my iPad, waiting for the happy couple to arrive.

"Aunt Ohey, aunt Ohey!" I hear from a distance, and look down the street.

Lizzy- Natalie and Phil's beautiful two year old girl- was running down the sidewalk, straight at me, a giant smile on her face. Her proud parents were laughing behind her, hand in hand, watching her excitement. Her auburn hair was in pigtails, and her blue polka dot dress was dancing around her chubby legs as she ran. "Lizzy bo bizzie bear!" I said and scooted out of my chair, knelt down and embraced her for a hug.

"I miss you aunt Ohey!" She said as I stood up, smiling at her parents as they finally got to my table.

"I missed you too! You got so big!" I said, kissing her on the head. "How's your ABC's going?"

As Lizzy began to recite her ABC's over and over again, I began to talk to Phil and Natalie. "How've things been here?" I said, tickling Lizzy's belly.

"Fantastic." Phil said, smiling at Natalie as she blushed. "London's not the same without you, though. How's San Francisco treating you?"

"If by San Francisco, you mean Aaron, that's why I called you here." I said and handed Lizzy to her mother. "Phil, Aaron and I are getting married."

Phil's mouth opened and closed. "W-why are you saying just Phil?" He said, pointing to Natalie and his daughter.

"I knew." Natalie said. "I knew and the only reason we waited to tell you is because you're still friends with that twat and we knew you were going to tell him. Zooey thought it would be better to tell you in person so you didn't go off-"

"Okay, I get it, love." Phil said, nodding. "Wow. So you, said yes?"

"Of course I said yes, why wouldn't I say yes?" I snapped, sitting back in my seat with my arms crossed.

He raised his thick eyebrows at me and shook his head. "No no, I didn't mean anything by it. It's wonderful, Zooey. Congratulations!"

I reached across the table and kissed him on the cheek, Natalie and Lizzy wearing the same proud smile as we did. That didn't go as well as I wanted it to but hey, it went.

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Phil kissed his girlfriend and daughter goodbye and walked into the Bakery, his heart feeling a little heavy. He didn't know how he was going to say it, but he knew he had to tell Chris about Zooey's engagement. It'd been three years, and Chris still wasn't over her.

"Hey," Phil said, crashing on the couch next to Chris as he strummed an acoustic guitar. "how've you been?"

Chris nodded at him, a little suspicion on his face. "Good. You?"

"I just had lunch with Zooey."

As soon as her name left Phil's lips, Chris stopped strumming his guitar and sat up in his seat. "She's in London?"

Phil nodded. "And there's something I need to tell you about her."

Chris waited patiently, his knuckled white from squeezing his guitar so hard.

"Chris, she's getting married."

The entire room got silent when Phil said it. Guy stopped typing on his laptop, Jonny and Will stopped laughing at something they were talking about. They were all looking at Chris.

Chris's hands immediately started to shake as he let his guitar gently fall to the ground. His blue eyes were bulged, staring at the ground as he slowly stood up and began to walk slowly out of the room.

"Chris?" Phil said softly.

He didn't answer, he just kept walking until he lost his balance and began to fall on a bookshelf of records. Jonny and Will immediately ran over to catch him, pulled him up and brought his limp body back to the couch. As soon as they laid him down, he tucked his legs close to his body and faced the back. "Is she performing here?"

"Chris," Phil said, scooting closer.

"Is she performing here?" Chris said louder, and Phil could see his entire body was trembling.

Phil nodded, even though Chris wasn't looking at him. "She's got a show at Royal Albert Hall tonight."

Chris stood up and began to walk into the mini kitchen. "You're taking me with you." He said, and with that commenced a full twenty minutes of Chris breaking dishes and tearing things apart, just the way his life was.

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The show went off without a hitch. The audience was fantastic and I couldn't help but feel really great, being back in my favorite city in the world. I missed London, a lot. But I also know I made the choice to move and sometimes, we have to make sacrifices to be happy.

But… was I happy?

I jogged off the stage after my band and I took our bow, talking to my drummer Josh about how great the beat sounded. Roadies clapped and high fived us while people scrambled to finish the night out. I walked down to the basement and opened the door to my dressing room, not expecting what was standing inside.

It was Chris.

He was standing in front of my makeup mirror, staring back at me with the same look of surprise on his face. I noticed he was holding a picture of him and I in his hand. A picture I kept behind my picture of Aaron and I. "What are you doing here?" I said, closing the door quickly behind me.

"I sort've made Phil bring me, so eh, don't get angry at him, okay?"

I was still leaning against the door, stiff as a board. Neither one of us had moved since I had walked in. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. It was so weird, not seeing him on the cover of gossip and music magazines, and instead seeing him in my dressing room again. Like old times.

"What are you doing here?" I said again, with a little more anger.

Chris put the picture back down on my bureau and took a step closer to me. "I need to talk to you."

"I'm getting married, Chris." I spit the words out of my mouth like acid.

As Chris thought of what to say I began to move, packing up my things, wanting to get the hell out of that room as soon as possible. "That's what I need to talk to you about I just, I need to ask you something. Zooey, please slow down."

I was rushing around the room, stuffing clothes into my duffle bag and guitars back into their cases, not even glancing at him. The only thing that finally stopped me was his hands on my shoulders. He turned me around and I looked into his deep blue eyes. It hurt to look into them again, but I couldn't look away.

"What?" I said, feeling my eyes tear up. I began to miss his face again.

He swallowed, staring straight back at me. "Do you love him?"

I felt like I was going to faint. "Of course I do." I whispered.

There was a few seconds of dead silence, I could barely move from all the tension in the room. "Like you loved me?" Chris said, his big blue eyes watery, his face flushed.

The entire thing felt like a dream. I couldn't believe I was in this situation, talking to him again. But the biggest thing I was worried about was the fact that I realized I was still in love with him.

I turned around and dropped my duffle bag next to me. Tears were streaming down my face and my throat was completely closed in. I couldn't take it anymore.

Chris stepped closer to me and I did the same, we were now inches away from each other's faces. My eyes were closed as I breathed him in. He was still the same. That amazing feeling of smelling his cologne while my face rubbed against his stubbly chin brought me back to when we dated. When we laughed together, cried together, fought together, made love together. At that moment there was nothing else in my mind but him, and how much I wanted him.

CHAPTER 5

Chris's life had become dismal. For the past six months, all he could do was think about that night. Think about what a coward he was, and how he'd made the biggest mistake of his life, letting her walk away. He absolutely hated himself, and that wasn't helping any of his other relationships.

Phil refused to talk to him. He'd quit his job as the band's tour manager, and Chris had presumed he was just working for Zooey now. They tried to replace him with a roadie, but nobody could do Phil's job the way he could. Chris would call him, come to his door, try to explain himself- but the fact that Phil was dating Zooey's best friend didn't help. Every time Natalie would hear his voice over the phone, or see his face walking up the street, she'd completely shut him out. And it wasn't any better with Chris's band.

They treated him differently since Phil told them what happened. Things were awkward. There was no more going out for drinks, no more inviting each other over for parties and play dates for the kids. It was like they barely knew each other. In the studio, there was barely any talking when Chris was in the room. The guys would get there early, then Chris after he dropped his kids off at school. Chris would walk in the studio and he could immediately hear the guys talking, experimenting with their instruments, laughing and having a good time. For a minute, every time this happened, Chris would smile. He'd think that everything was fine. That things were back to the way they were and maybe Zooey was in there, having a good time with them.

But he was wrong.

As soon as he'd walk into the room they'd get quiet, and you could cut the tension with a knife. Chris would try to grin and bare the awkward feeling, show them the songs he wrote and the guys wouldn't say anything. There was no experimenting, no suggestions, it was like they became an assembly line. They'd read the song chords and first Will would put down his track, then Guy, then Jonny and Chris was always last, alone in the studio putting down his track, because by then all of them had left for the day.

One particularly cold night, Chris was sitting on the floor of the studio in the dark, a few half drunken beers sitting around him, torn up papers, tissues for his tears, and a brand new piece of paper- a divorce proposal. And he'd filled everything out. His name, date of birth, children's names, lawyer's name, address, reason for divorce, proceedings. Everything except one- he hadn't signed it. Chris clicked the pen in the dead silent room, staring at that line that read "signature and name-please print". His eyes were watery and his heart was in his stomach. "Just sign it, you fucking idiot." he thought to himself and slammed his hand down onto the paper. He couldn't do it.

Suddenly, Chris heard an awkward cough behind him. He turned to see Jonny standing at the doorway, with Phil standing behind him. There was barely any light, just from a small lamp in the hall, but Chris could see that both their faces looked worried. "Hi. Eh, I thought we should talk." Jonny said, and the two of them stepped closer.

"How've you been Phil?" Chris asked as the two sat down, clearing the floor of the dirty papers and beer bottles.

Phil smiled crookedly. "I've been fantastic actually, Chris. Natalie's pregnant."

Chris nodded and smiled. "That's so great, man. Congratulations."

Jonny smiled at Chris, and Phil nodded. Awkward silence. "Listen," Chris said after a few seconds. "I know I've been a complete bastard for ages now and I am so, so sorry for it. I hate myself as much as you guys hate me, probably more. But please, I feel alone enough. I need you guys back."

Phil handed Chris a tissue to wipe away the tears falling down his scruffy face. The room was silent, except for Chris's quiet sobs.

Jonny scooted closer to Chris and put a hand on his back. "You need her back."

Chris nodded and wiped his hot face, trying to stop himself from breaking down and crying like a baby. The room was silent for a few more minutes until Phil picked up the divorce papers. "Why couldn't you just do it, Chris? You sent her into the seventh circle of hell after what you did."

Jonny looked up at Phil and tried to give him a "be cool" face before Chris looked up but it was too late. "I know, man. But I feel like I would ruin everything for my kids, our band and Gwyneth's career if we went through a whole divorce scandal. But Phil, can I ask you a question?"

Phil looked down at Chris and gave him a slight nod.

"If I were to do it, do you think she would take me back?"

More silence, and Chris grabbed a beer while he waited for Phil to answer and took a swig. "Honestly, Chris? No. She's moved on. She's been in San Francisco. Natalie just went over there to see her today and texted me a few hours ago. She bought a house. She's laughing and smiling again. They're going to a baseball game tonight. Sorry Chris, she's moved on. And I think it's about time you do the same."

And with that, Phil stood up and walked out of the room, not to come back. Chris ended up talking with Jonny the rest of the night and they were able to work things out. Chris apologized for everything and he knew Phil was right, he had to move on. She was apart of his life for so long, he didn't know where to start.

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"The park was built in 2000 and has gone under many names since." The tour guide said.

We walked out onto the field and let our eyes wander all around the empty stadium. Mike held Tilly on his shoulders, pointing at things while she simply stared up into the sky. David held a video camera, taping the entire thing as we walked across the outfield, listening to our rather perky young tour guide. When the park heard I was coming to this game they offered to give us a free tour beforehand. I guess being famous has its perks.

Earlier in the day, after Natalie had told me I was going to be an aunt, I bought the first house the realtor took us to. It was a beautiful victorian row home right on the San Francisco bay, with a dock in the back. Natalie and I made plans to go boat shopping in a couple of days. I felt great about moving to San Francisco, like it was the start of a new Zooey and nothing was going to stop me now.

Mike's cell phone started ringing, so he gently put Tilly down on the grass and began to look for it in his baby bag. "Watch Tilly for a second, ladies."

Since Natalie was nonstop on her cell phone, incredibly bored with the tour, I should've known "ladies" meant me. But I was too busy looking around the beautiful stadium, watching the Giants players play catch, enjoying the beautiful weather to notice anything my brother was saying.

I eventually popped out of my bubble and realized Tilly had scooted off about thirty feet in a matter of seconds, and was now sitting in front of a rolling baseball as a player went to go grab it. "Tilly," I said, walking up to her. "why are you so fast?"

The baseball player from the Giants got to Tilly when I was about fifteen feet away from her still. He was tall, muscular, and looked like he'd just walked out of a sports magazine. From where I was standing, watching the two I couldn't understand what he was saying. Tilly was not sitting on the grass, feet eschew, her chubby hands trying to pick up the baseball which was almost the size of her head. He picked up the ball and she kept watching him, said something to her, threw it in the air and let it fall right onto the top of his head. Tilly and I both laughed at the same time as he fell back and pretended to die. "Sorry about her," I said as Tilly was still cracking up. "she's training to be an Olympic crawler."

The man laughed. "Don't worry about it, she's great." He said while putting two baseballs in front of his eyes while making a funny face. Tilly thought he was hilarious.

I scooped her up and that's when our eyes finally met. My first judgement of him a few minutes ago was completely correct- he was incredibly good looking. We stood there for a few seconds just smiling at each other until he said "I'm Aaron." and stuck out his hand.

"Zooey." I said and shook his hand.

He nodded. "Well Tilly, try not to run away from your mommy so much. She's too beautiful to run away from."

I laughed and shook my head. "No no, she's my niece."

"Your niece?" Aaron said, and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Well nice to meet you, Aaron. And thanks for the baseball, I don't think you want it back." I said, watching Tilly suck on it like it was a lollypop.

As I began to turn around to walk away, he stopped me. "Listen, is there any way I can ask you out without being a total douche?"

Was this really happening?

"A ha," I said. "no, that's pretty much an automatic douche move."

"Well I guess I'm a douche then." Aaron grinned. "Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"

I furrowed my brow and smiled. "Don't you uh, I don't know, have a game tonight?"

"After the game, tell them your name and that you know me, and meet me out here on the field. Deal?"

"Deal." I said a little too quickly and waved goodbye.

Who am I, and what have I done with the real Zooey?

"He must've recognized you." David said as he popped some cotton candy into his mouth.

I nodded and pointed at him for no reason. "I know, I know and that's the great part. He didn't mention once how much his mom loves me or how his sister saw me and thought I was great."

"And that's a good thing?" Natalie said, chuckling.

I sat back in my seat and stared at him, standing out in center field as he intensely watched the pitcher throw the next strike. "He treated me like a real person. I have a good feeling about him."

"I have a good feeling about him too, in my pants." Mike said and we all burst into laughter.

The entire game I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Usually I like baseball and enjoy paying attention to what was actually going on. But not this time, not after what had happened to me a few hours earlier. I couldn't wait to get to know him.

CHAPTER 4. Sorry, it's short. The next one will be really long, I promise.

It'd been six months to the day that Chris shut me down and I felt like a completely different person. Still living in San Francisco with my brother, everything about me was different. My days were more relaxed. People didn't recognize me that much so I actually felt normal, like I had a normal, good life. I dressed differently. Going almost every day to the center city H&M, I'd created a new wardrobe for myself. I wasn't wearing all black anymore, I had some actual color in my wardrobe and it felt incredibly good.

And the biggest thing of all- within the last month, I'd sold my house in London. The house I'd had for the past eleven years now belonged to some Russian college student and his twelve year old girlfriend. I sold everything in it, too because I decided to buy a house in San Francisco. There was nothing like the feeling that city gave me and I wanted to feel it for the rest of my life.

"We're home!" I yelled as I opened the door with one hand, holding Tilly in the other hand. "Tilly had a great time at play school, but I think she ate too much cheese so, have fun with that later."

Mike smiled at me and took his daughter. "So listen, Natalie's flying in at one o'clock then we're all going to the Giants game tonight."

"Sweet." I said, jogging up the stairs. "Are you ready for some baseball?"

"I think that's football, love." Mike called.

When I got to the top of the stairs I felt my phone begin to vibrate. I pulled it out of my pocket and pressed "answer". "Zooey? Hi, this is Veronica Stone, returning your call."

The best real estate agent in the city. "Hello, thanks for calling me back." I said.

"I heard what you said you're looking for and I believe I have some houses picked out for you. Would you be able to meet me this afternoon to make your choice?"

I smiled and took a deep breath. It'd been a few weeks since I had contacted Veronica about settling down in the city and I could not wait for her call. I was excited about starting my life anew, with the person who made me hit rock bottom on the other side of the world.

Veronica agreed to meet me at four o'clock, right after I pick up Natalie from the airport. As I crawled along the busy freeway, blasting Death Cab for Cutie on the radio while trying to reach Natalie on her phone, I noticed something about myself in the rear view mirror.

There was a tiny smile laying over my face. I realized I was happy again.

"Where are you?" Natalie answered, and I could hear her heavy breathing into the phone.

"I'm just pulling up now." I said, putting my blinkers on. "Just to let you know, we're going to look at houses."

"Ooh, sounds like fun!" Natalie said excitedly. A few seconds later I saw her push her way past the glass doors, luggage in hand.

"Have you talked to Phil?" Natalie asked, playing with the buttons on the radio.

"I did last week." I replied, stopping at a red light.

She looked up at me and smiled. "So, you don't know."

"Know what?" I said quickly, hating to be out of the loop.

Natalie sat back in her seat while I pressed on the gas when the light turned. "Are you sure I should tell you now?"

"Tell me!" I whined.

"Well, for the past few weeks I'd been feeling really sick. I mean like, crazy sick. So I went to the doctor three days ago and, well, they told me I'm pregnant."

As soon as those words came out of Natalie's mouth I slammed on the breaks and pulled the car over. When I looked over at her she had a big smile on her face, so I knew this wasn't bad news.

"What did Phil say?" I asked.

"He's absolutely thrilled and so am I." She chuckled, and I pulled her in for a hug. "You're going to be an aunt!"

"I am so unbelievably happy for you!" I said, thinking about how I was now the only person in my group of friends to not be settled down with someone.

CHAPTER 3

I felt like my entire world had collapsed around me. Phil and Chris were having screaming matches on the phone, Gertrude refused to talk to me, and the man I confessed my love for completely shot me down. Phil and Natalie were the only people I had left.

"Listen," Natalie said as she put her bags down. She'd flown over from London just to support me. I couldn't ask for a better friend. "you don't want to go back to London anytime soon, right?"

"I don't think I ever want to go back to London." I said, crossing my arms.

Natalie nodded and took a sip of wine. "Maybe you could go stay with Mike and David for a while."

"San Francisco?" I said, giving it some serious thought. "Yeah, maybe I should."

Mike is my brother, and David is the boyfriend he has been with for almost seven years now. Recently they just adopted a baby, Matilda, and were living the absolute dream on the west coast of the country. "Mike does have a way of making everyone happier," Phil said. "and I'm so glad he's settled down now, that way he doesn't pinch my butt anymore."

I giggled. My brother might be the only person in this world that could make me feel happy again.

San Francisco is a contradiction. In the winter it can get to be incredibly cool, with temperatures in the 30s yet it's so humid you can barely see in front of you. Air so thick it feels like you're living in the Amazon, but you wear light jackets and long sleeves all year round. It really is a beautiful city, at the core where the skyscrapers and businessmen are located, and outside, where the hills and boat owners at trolleys thrive. I was looking forward to getting acquainted with it. Since Mike and David moved here a few years ago, I've only come for holiday visits and birthdays. I never got to know the city, and to be honest, I felt I was starting to distance from my big brother.

Three knocks on the door, a few seconds of wait and the door flies open. "Hey Dave." I say as my brother's boyfriend smiles at me.

"Diva!" David says, throwing his arms around me. "It is so good to see you. Mike, your sister's here. Ugh I love this jacket, you gotta tell me where you shop."

I stepped in the doorway and dropped my bags on the hardwood floor. "It is so good to be back here. I really think you guys have the best house in the city."

"Those bastards a block over have the best house in the city." Mike said, walking down the theatrical staircase with his daughter in his arms. "You have no idea how many times we've tried to get their house, but they seriously won't move. Hey dear, good to see you."

I gave my brother a kiss on the cheek. "You're hair is so long."

"He's going for the Bradley Cooper look." Dave yelled from the kitchen. "I keep telling him he'll never pull it off."

Then I looked down at my niece, who was pointing at me with a chubby finger. "Hey Tilly," I said as Mike handed her to me. "it's aunt Zooey. Oh, I've missed that face."

"Do you want to tell us what happened?" Mike asked.

I nodded, and went to sit down on the couch.

"He said he just couldn't." I said. "And that was it."

Mike and David's jaws were on the ground while Tilly was sitting on the floor, laughing hysterically as their kitten licked himself clean.

"Wow." Mike said, rubbing his stubbly chin. "I can't believe Chris would do something like that."

"Well, he did." I said, sipping my tea as it started to snow lightly outside.

Dave scoffed. "The thing I can't figure out is why he couldn't leave her."

"He's an asshole?" I suggested.

Mike sat back and crossed his arms. "I've known Chris for a very long time. His father was terrifyingly strict on him."

I furrowed my brow. "He wasn't that bad."

"He'd always put on a smile when you and Gertrude were there but when it was just me and him, he'd hound him. And I'd mean really hound him on every little thing that had to do with being a good father."

Dave scoffed and poured me more tea. "That's no reason to do what he did."

Mike shook his head. "Oh, I know that. I'm just trying to explain why he's an awful person."

Hearing someone else think that made me feel a little better since I just lost my best friend in the world.

"Here's what you're going to do." Dave said. "You're going to stay with us, enjoy the city, have fun, and once you get over this prick you're going to find a wonderful man and marry him and have lots of babies."

I smiled at the two of them. The "getting over him" process had already started.

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Nothing in Chris's life was working. The fact that he was having a second child was one of the worst news he'd gotten. He hated Gwyn. He was fighting with all his friends because they knew what he did to Zooey and didn't want anything to do with him. Now Zooey was gone and he had no idea where she'd run off to. He had absolutely nothing.

Six months past and still no word from her. He was in the studio, working on a new album with his band but everything was completely different. He had a new baby at home and a two year old that never stopped crying. Their music sounded terrible and they didn't even talk to each other while recording. They were like acquaintances, working together at an assembly line, just wanting to get it over with without enjoying any of the process.

Gwyn moved out. She bought a house right down the street so she'd be close to the kids, but they were legally separated and absolutely hated each other. There wasn't one day where Chris would wake up and think that he had to get it done with. He had to divorce Gwyn and find Zooey before she found a man who was actually good to her.

But he just couldn't. He didn't have enough courage to go through with it and he knew because of that, he'd be miserable for the rest of his life.