CHAPTER 5

Chris's life had become dismal. For the past six months, all he could do was think about that night. Think about what a coward he was, and how he'd made the biggest mistake of his life, letting her walk away. He absolutely hated himself, and that wasn't helping any of his other relationships.

Phil refused to talk to him. He'd quit his job as the band's tour manager, and Chris had presumed he was just working for Zooey now. They tried to replace him with a roadie, but nobody could do Phil's job the way he could. Chris would call him, come to his door, try to explain himself- but the fact that Phil was dating Zooey's best friend didn't help. Every time Natalie would hear his voice over the phone, or see his face walking up the street, she'd completely shut him out. And it wasn't any better with Chris's band.

They treated him differently since Phil told them what happened. Things were awkward. There was no more going out for drinks, no more inviting each other over for parties and play dates for the kids. It was like they barely knew each other. In the studio, there was barely any talking when Chris was in the room. The guys would get there early, then Chris after he dropped his kids off at school. Chris would walk in the studio and he could immediately hear the guys talking, experimenting with their instruments, laughing and having a good time. For a minute, every time this happened, Chris would smile. He'd think that everything was fine. That things were back to the way they were and maybe Zooey was in there, having a good time with them.

But he was wrong.

As soon as he'd walk into the room they'd get quiet, and you could cut the tension with a knife. Chris would try to grin and bare the awkward feeling, show them the songs he wrote and the guys wouldn't say anything. There was no experimenting, no suggestions, it was like they became an assembly line. They'd read the song chords and first Will would put down his track, then Guy, then Jonny and Chris was always last, alone in the studio putting down his track, because by then all of them had left for the day.

One particularly cold night, Chris was sitting on the floor of the studio in the dark, a few half drunken beers sitting around him, torn up papers, tissues for his tears, and a brand new piece of paper- a divorce proposal. And he'd filled everything out. His name, date of birth, children's names, lawyer's name, address, reason for divorce, proceedings. Everything except one- he hadn't signed it. Chris clicked the pen in the dead silent room, staring at that line that read "signature and name-please print". His eyes were watery and his heart was in his stomach. "Just sign it, you fucking idiot." he thought to himself and slammed his hand down onto the paper. He couldn't do it.

Suddenly, Chris heard an awkward cough behind him. He turned to see Jonny standing at the doorway, with Phil standing behind him. There was barely any light, just from a small lamp in the hall, but Chris could see that both their faces looked worried. "Hi. Eh, I thought we should talk." Jonny said, and the two of them stepped closer.

"How've you been Phil?" Chris asked as the two sat down, clearing the floor of the dirty papers and beer bottles.

Phil smiled crookedly. "I've been fantastic actually, Chris. Natalie's pregnant."

Chris nodded and smiled. "That's so great, man. Congratulations."

Jonny smiled at Chris, and Phil nodded. Awkward silence. "Listen," Chris said after a few seconds. "I know I've been a complete bastard for ages now and I am so, so sorry for it. I hate myself as much as you guys hate me, probably more. But please, I feel alone enough. I need you guys back."

Phil handed Chris a tissue to wipe away the tears falling down his scruffy face. The room was silent, except for Chris's quiet sobs.

Jonny scooted closer to Chris and put a hand on his back. "You need her back."

Chris nodded and wiped his hot face, trying to stop himself from breaking down and crying like a baby. The room was silent for a few more minutes until Phil picked up the divorce papers. "Why couldn't you just do it, Chris? You sent her into the seventh circle of hell after what you did."

Jonny looked up at Phil and tried to give him a "be cool" face before Chris looked up but it was too late. "I know, man. But I feel like I would ruin everything for my kids, our band and Gwyneth's career if we went through a whole divorce scandal. But Phil, can I ask you a question?"

Phil looked down at Chris and gave him a slight nod.

"If I were to do it, do you think she would take me back?"

More silence, and Chris grabbed a beer while he waited for Phil to answer and took a swig. "Honestly, Chris? No. She's moved on. She's been in San Francisco. Natalie just went over there to see her today and texted me a few hours ago. She bought a house. She's laughing and smiling again. They're going to a baseball game tonight. Sorry Chris, she's moved on. And I think it's about time you do the same."

And with that, Phil stood up and walked out of the room, not to come back. Chris ended up talking with Jonny the rest of the night and they were able to work things out. Chris apologized for everything and he knew Phil was right, he had to move on. She was apart of his life for so long, he didn't know where to start.

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"The park was built in 2000 and has gone under many names since." The tour guide said.

We walked out onto the field and let our eyes wander all around the empty stadium. Mike held Tilly on his shoulders, pointing at things while she simply stared up into the sky. David held a video camera, taping the entire thing as we walked across the outfield, listening to our rather perky young tour guide. When the park heard I was coming to this game they offered to give us a free tour beforehand. I guess being famous has its perks.

Earlier in the day, after Natalie had told me I was going to be an aunt, I bought the first house the realtor took us to. It was a beautiful victorian row home right on the San Francisco bay, with a dock in the back. Natalie and I made plans to go boat shopping in a couple of days. I felt great about moving to San Francisco, like it was the start of a new Zooey and nothing was going to stop me now.

Mike's cell phone started ringing, so he gently put Tilly down on the grass and began to look for it in his baby bag. "Watch Tilly for a second, ladies."

Since Natalie was nonstop on her cell phone, incredibly bored with the tour, I should've known "ladies" meant me. But I was too busy looking around the beautiful stadium, watching the Giants players play catch, enjoying the beautiful weather to notice anything my brother was saying.

I eventually popped out of my bubble and realized Tilly had scooted off about thirty feet in a matter of seconds, and was now sitting in front of a rolling baseball as a player went to go grab it. "Tilly," I said, walking up to her. "why are you so fast?"

The baseball player from the Giants got to Tilly when I was about fifteen feet away from her still. He was tall, muscular, and looked like he'd just walked out of a sports magazine. From where I was standing, watching the two I couldn't understand what he was saying. Tilly was not sitting on the grass, feet eschew, her chubby hands trying to pick up the baseball which was almost the size of her head. He picked up the ball and she kept watching him, said something to her, threw it in the air and let it fall right onto the top of his head. Tilly and I both laughed at the same time as he fell back and pretended to die. "Sorry about her," I said as Tilly was still cracking up. "she's training to be an Olympic crawler."

The man laughed. "Don't worry about it, she's great." He said while putting two baseballs in front of his eyes while making a funny face. Tilly thought he was hilarious.

I scooped her up and that's when our eyes finally met. My first judgement of him a few minutes ago was completely correct- he was incredibly good looking. We stood there for a few seconds just smiling at each other until he said "I'm Aaron." and stuck out his hand.

"Zooey." I said and shook his hand.

He nodded. "Well Tilly, try not to run away from your mommy so much. She's too beautiful to run away from."

I laughed and shook my head. "No no, she's my niece."

"Your niece?" Aaron said, and stuffed his hands in his pockets.

"Well nice to meet you, Aaron. And thanks for the baseball, I don't think you want it back." I said, watching Tilly suck on it like it was a lollypop.

As I began to turn around to walk away, he stopped me. "Listen, is there any way I can ask you out without being a total douche?"

Was this really happening?

"A ha," I said. "no, that's pretty much an automatic douche move."

"Well I guess I'm a douche then." Aaron grinned. "Would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"

I furrowed my brow and smiled. "Don't you uh, I don't know, have a game tonight?"

"After the game, tell them your name and that you know me, and meet me out here on the field. Deal?"

"Deal." I said a little too quickly and waved goodbye.

Who am I, and what have I done with the real Zooey?

"He must've recognized you." David said as he popped some cotton candy into his mouth.

I nodded and pointed at him for no reason. "I know, I know and that's the great part. He didn't mention once how much his mom loves me or how his sister saw me and thought I was great."

"And that's a good thing?" Natalie said, chuckling.

I sat back in my seat and stared at him, standing out in center field as he intensely watched the pitcher throw the next strike. "He treated me like a real person. I have a good feeling about him."

"I have a good feeling about him too, in my pants." Mike said and we all burst into laughter.

The entire game I couldn't take my eyes off of him. Usually I like baseball and enjoy paying attention to what was actually going on. But not this time, not after what had happened to me a few hours earlier. I couldn't wait to get to know him.