The third pair of headlights in the last ten minutes appeared at the end of the road, and I knew it was him because he beeped. I grabbed my luggage, locked the door to my place and ran out into the pouring rain. It was next to impossible to see anything, the rain was so heavy. I found the trunk to his car, threw my luggage in and jumped in the passenger seat. I was staring straight but I could see him looking at me from the corner of my eye. I looked over at him. God he looked perfect. He was dressed nicely from the dinner with his parents I was forced to miss because of my abusive boyfriend's jealous rage.
"Ready?" He says, a little smirk across his mouth. His stunning blue eyes glanced me up and down.
I nodded, he threw his BMW into gear and we began to the airport. He was dropping me off since I had to be in New York for the week to support my friend Catie's shows.
It was quiet. Usually the two of us wouldn't be this quiet with each other, but it felt like we both had something on our minds. "It's fucking pouring." I say quietly as he stops at a traffic light.
He nods, looking out into the city lights with those bright eyes of his. "That's London. I hear the weather is beautiful in New York, though."
I don't answer at first, my eyes stuck on his empty left ring finger. "Nothing about New York is beautiful, Christopher."
We both chuckle and look at each other. Something is incredibly different about him and I love every second of it. He gets onto the interstate and we're immediately in gridlock. "Shit," he says and thumps the steering wheel with his hand. "you might be late."
Cars are beeping all around us. "How can this be? It's two o'clock in the morning. Ah well, my flight will probably be cancelled anyway." I say, looking up at the lightning above us.
"How are things with him?" he says out of the blue.
I look over at him and cross my arms, a little smile on my face, but I'm not happy.
He sighs, looks out into the traffic, then back at me with that "sorry I'm a shit head" face. "I'm sorry, but ever since Chase came back from LA I've been worried about you." He pauses and his jaw drops. "Did he do that?"
I look down and see the bruise from the previous night showing on my bare shoulder. My sweater slipped off my shoulder just enough so that the entire blue and black mark was visible. He wasn't supposed to see that. Tears are forming in my eyes as I nod, and I can see him stiffen up with frustration. "I tried to leave last night." I say. "He just got so angry. He threw me against the wall and I passed out for a few minutes."
"I'm going to fucking kill him."
I look over at him, feeling my warm tears racing down my cheeks. I smile softly. "You know you can't."
He squeezes the wheel so tight, I felt like it was going to crumble into a thousand pieces. Then he sighs, lightens his grasp, and looks back at me. We stare at each other for a while, completely silent besides the low murmur of the engine, and Radiohead playing softly. Nothing else matters to me at this moment except keeping his stare, trying to read what he's saying with those eyes of his.
Then he reaches a milky white hand over and gently rests it on the bruised shoulder. Whatever pain it was causing me immediately went away under his touch. I closed my eyes, and immediately started to breathe slower.
"You don't deserve this, Sophie." he says in almost a whisper. "You deserve someone who will treat you with all the love in the world and treat you with as much care and value you're worth. Which is a fucking lot."
His strong hand felt so gentile on my skin as he barely moved it, just stroking the edges of my collar bone with the tips of his fingers. I almost moan as his index finger strokes the base of my neck, then I stop myself. I open my eyes and he slowly takes his hand away as he must've felt me tense under his touch. I wrap my sweater tighter around me and fake a cough. "I'm gonna try it again when I get back," I say, and look over at him. He's staring straight at me. "but I don't think it'll work without you there."
"If he tries anything I'll bash his head in with my foot. You're going to get out of there and it's going to be over, okay?"
I nod, smile, and traffic begins to move a bit.
The rain only gets heavier as we reach the completely empty airport. I begin to gather myself as we get closer and closer to the entrance but he pulls past. "What are you doing?" I say, as he pulls quickly into the completely empty parking lot.
He stares at the wheel. "I filed today."
"What?" I say while my heart starts pounding, the rain slamming down on his car. I wait for him to keep going.
He's breathing heavy, staring at me as he rubs his hands together nervously. "I filed for divorce today."
I'm now breathing heavy, unable to say anything. I don't want to say what I'm thinking. I try to speak but nothing comes out, my mouth is as dry as sand paper. His blue eyes are sparkling in the fluorescent parking lot lights.
"You remember when we kissed a few months ago, on Phil's birthday?"
I close my eyes and think back to that fateful night.
The whole week before that fateful night, he was all I could think about. I was trying to suppress all these feelings that were jumping out of my heart but every single day, it would get so much tougher. We'd be in the studio, and he'd take a step closer so our lips were inches apart. We'd go out for our usually Friday dinner with everyone, and his sparkling blue eyes would smile at me from across the table for hours. It was driving me nuts, and I had absolutely no idea what to do.
"I'm a home wrecking slut is what I am." I yell to Natalie from her bathroom, putting on my smoky eyeshadow.
Natalie walks into the bathroom and gives me a face through the mirror. "No Soph, you're not. Having feelings for someone doesn't make you a home wrecker. Besides, Chris's home is already wrecked. He married a complete bitch."
I roll my eyes at her and pull my leather jacket over my arms. "That still doesn't make it right."
She grabs the foundation and looks at me. "How much longer do you think you can hold out with these feelings?"
"What kind of question is that? I don't have a clock on my forehead, counting down to the moment I kiss him."
Natalie grins, and I head to the living room before she can say something else.
We were meeting that night at an old pub called Dexter's, where we used to hang out in college. It was our greatest friend in the world, Phil's, 34th birthday and we were having a small party to celebrate. I was especially happy that Phil made sure Chase wasn't invited.
That was the beginning of the abuse I was taking from Chase, Chris being the only one who knew at the time. Being in the spotlight made it incredibly hard for me to process the fact that I was in an abusive relationship. Other artists talk, producers talk, and worst of all, fans talk. I didn't want my fans to turn me into a tragedy where everyone would have to feel bad for me. I felt like I could hold my own- boy, was I wrong. So any night I could go out without him was a good night.
Natalie and I arrived at the put around eight, presents in hand, and found the boys sitting in a corner booth to hide from paparazzi and fans in the bar. Chris was sitting at the end of the booth, next to Jonny and Phil was sitting across the way, waiting for Natalie to get there. Phil and Natalie had been dating for the past month and to be completely honest, they were the only happy couple I knew.
"Happy birthday!" We say in unison and hand Phil our presents.
He gives me a kiss on the cheek in return, and grabs Natalie's hand to immediately start spooning with her. I look over at Chris. "Where's Gwyn?" I ask.
"She didn't want to come." Chris says quietly, giving me that look that said "we had a fight again that I really don't want to talk about". I knew that look and would completely go on with trying to cheer him up.
"Nice boots." he sneers. "Planning on working the street corner later?"
I wave at the bartender for a beer. "They're Natalie's. But don't get me started mister, you look like you're ready to sit front and center at a Dave Matthews Band concert white boy."
And so, the night began.
We all had too much to drink. We all talked about celebrities we knew way too loudly to not be noticed. We all had a fantastic time. But Chris was the only one I payed attention to the entire night.
It must've been our twenty-fifth beer run as I took my turn up to the bar. My elbows were leaning against the dirty mahogany as I suddenly feel a hand on my waist. I turn around and smile at Chris, who's standing over me with bloodshot eyes and a smile across his face. "Hello." I say and hand him his beer.
"You wanna go for a walk with me?" He's so close I can feel his warm, alcohol-smelling breath on my face.
I look into his eyes, reading his face as I can so easily do. He's much different, and it's not the alcohol. His stare is direct as he usually staggers it, his smile is warm, and he doesn't seem so worried about something. I nod, and he slips my hand into his. "C'mon."
We walk through the jam packed bar with our heads down, and thankfully, no one recognizes us. As we get outside the crowd loosens up, but we're still not alone. Drunks are staggering all over the London roads, lights are on all over the place, and there's just no where that we won't be bothered.
"I think you know exactly where we need to go." I say in Chris's ear, as he begins to lead me there.
With our hands wrapped around each other, beers in the other hand, we stagger up to Parliament Hill. The park is completely quiet except for our slurring songs, giggles, and the sound of my heels as they click along the concrete path. We stop at the top of the hill, staring at the sparkling lights of the city. It's the first time all night we're not talking.
"I miss this." Chris said, stepping closer to me with a smile on his face.
I take another sip of beer and smile. "What?"
"Being alone with you." He replied, putting one of his large hands on my neck.
Before I know it I'm kissing him. His lips are even more sweet than I imagined, his tongue velvety against my teeth. He pulls me in closer and I run my hands through his hair. Dear god, I think, his hair is so soft. Suddenly that little angel on my shoulder smacks me across the face and I realize what I'm doing. I pull away so quickly he's pushed back a step or two. "Oh god Chris, you're married! I have a boyfriend!"
He puts his hands are over his mouth, unsure of what to say. "We're drunk. Right?"
"Yes!" I say. "We're, we're drunk. This was just a drunk mistake."
I think we never completely believed that.
I open my eyes again as a lightning bolt flashes right over the trees in front of us, followed by a loud rumble of thunder. Chris is staring at the wheel, then at me. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about you ever since then."
My heart is pounding as tears fall down to my lap. I try to process the moment, but it all seems to be happening so fast. I wait for him to go on.
"And I uh," his eyes begin to water. "I guess I need to ask you if you still think that was a mistake."
The rain gets harder and the parking lot begins to overflow. I stare straight at him and smile. "I never did."
He pulls me in and kisses me, tears falling down both our faces. My hands run through his hair and all the stress on my mind immediately went away. My hands travel down to his dress shirt, and I begin to unbutton it. We both unbuckle our seat belts at the same time and I pull myself into the back seat of his BMW, still holding onto his tie as I situate myself in the back seat. He immediately follows my move and climbs into the back, I'm gently tugging on his tie the entire time. He kisses me again as I pull his dress shirt of, revealing his thick biceps and his perfectly white undershirt. I moan and lean my head back as his hand goes under my shirt, his lips pressed against my neck as I breathe in the smell of his aftershave. I slide onto the right side of the car and he slides to the left side, slipping his shoes off as I tear off my sweater and pull my tank top over my head. I feel so safe with him, his strong arms wrapped around me and his hands gently slide across my skin, as if he's healing all of my battle wounds. I feel his strong hands slide down to my jeans as I'm unbuckling his favorite leather belt. He pulls away from me for one second, and we look into each other's eyes.
He's smiling, his hand gently pulling hair away from my face. "God, you're so beautiful." he whispers and tears fall down my face as I kiss him again.
It'd been ages since someone had said that to me.
I pull my jeans off of me and climb on top of him, unzipping his pants as we still kiss, our lips practically glued together. He seems frustrated as I struggle with my black lace panties, and as strong as he is, he barely tugs on them and they rip right off my hips. He yanks me onto his lap and I guide him inside me for the first time. I move over him, legs spread, sweat pouring down my forehead and we both gasp for air at the feeling, the windows beginning to fog up.
I move again, again, and again until we're in a slow rhythm, he's kissing my neck as my arms are wrapped around him, my eyes closed as I moan louder and louder, he grunts in reply. His hands on my hips as we get faster and faster, building up to that moment as I scream in pleasure, the rain as a suitable cover for the noise. We finally reach that moment and collapse onto each other in sheer pleasure.
My skin is sticking to his black leather seats from the sweat as we catch our breath, his head resting on my stomach as I stroke his hair. Suddenly, my phone rings and I completely remember why I'm at the airport. "I gotta get the next flight." I say, sitting up as he follows my lead. "I'm sorry."
"That's okay," he says, kissing my forehead with a sigh. "but can I ask you a question?"
"Hm?" I say, pulling my jeans over my skin.
"You don't think this was a mistake, right?" Those big blue eyes watch me with concern.
I look up at him and stop what I'm doing. I can't believe he's actually serious after all these feelings for him jumped out as we made love. I smile, and kiss him gently. "This is the first thing I've done in ages that wasn't a mistake."
He smiles and kisses me again, and as much as I protest, stating I have to go help my friend out, he pins me on the seat and kisses every inch of my face and neck, and I can't help but give up under his strength, taking in the feeling of his soft lips mixed with the feeling of his scruffy chin.
"God I'm going to miss you." He says, kissing my neck, then chin, then lips as I sit up and begin to dress again.
"Right back atcha, kiddo." I say, kissing his lips. "I'll be back in a week."
"Too long."
I smile, pull my sweater back over my bruised shoulder and climb out of the car. The rain soaks me to the core but I don't give a damn since I'm completely soaked in sweat. I grab my luggage from the trunk and jog into the airport. And for the first time in ages, I have a smile across my face.
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